Ever since I was, probably, 7 or 8 years old, I have always been judged and called out for
  • Not having long hair
  • Not liking pink
  • Not wearing frocks
  • Not having a sweet voice
  • Hanging out with friends who happened to be boys
  • Wearing shorts
  • Riding a boy’s cycle
  • And many such ridiculously normal stuff

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I started hating pink, in fact, I started hating many things that were deemed girlish
And I felt very cool till I was probably in 9th
The menstrual cycle started, hormonal changes this and that and no one to explain or ease all the confusions in my mind.
Result: succumbed to all that I was asked to do. Threw away all the shorts and pants, started growing my hair long, stopped hanging out with boys.
Basically, I stopped everything that was fun for me.
Fast forward to a decade and a half -> married woman, long hair, wears only Salwars and Kurtis and an occasional Saree. I definitely don’t like the image that gets reflected when I look in a mirror (It’s not that often that I peep into the mirror but whenever I do… yeah you get the point). I have started working towards changing it. But that calls for another post another day.
And soon, there came my tiny Tigger (not the blog but my son 😛 )
I neither wanted a boy nor a girl. I didn’t even pick his name. I had just convinced myself that if it was a girl, I shall make her break away from any inhibitions thrown on her and if it was a boy, I will make sure he is kind and well mannered.
Why did I want to do such totally different things?
Because I know that it’s not just me. There is going to be an influence from his grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, teachers, peers, etc..
And I can try, but cannot ensure that they all treat him with an open mind without a gender bias. So, I will have to put in double the effort to make sure he would just hear everything else from the other and not take it all to mind. I also knew that I should be extra careful because if he was born a girl, it would have been easier for him to dress up and be how he wants. But being a boy, I feel he has much more restrictions now.
I am making sure that,
I consciously ignore all the advice I get on what not to dress him up in, what not to get him to play with.
  • I put on pink tees for my tiny Tigger, a cute frock now and then.
  • I got him few soft toys that seemed to be friendly.
  • I have been telling him stories about stay at home dads and astronaut moms.

But he is just 4months old, so I am waiting for him to grow up a little more to do much more.

  • I want to be conscious about the toys I get him as he grows up.
  • I want to learn to reply firm but kindly to all the stupid gender-centric advice I will continue to receive.
  • I want to help him
    • learn to clean – tidy his surrounding
    • cook healthy meals he can have every day. Not just the occasional biryani.
    • wash clothes, vessels – he may hire a help if he unable to find the time. But he cannot be dependant on another human for such things.
    • Behave, emote, express and live his life the way he wants

As long as he is my son, I shall make sure that I do all this and more – neither like a boy nor a girl. But like a kind gentle generous loving strong-willed and level-headed person who this world needs.

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